Journeying with youth:

Some Do’s and Don’ts

By K. Amal, SJ

My AICUF Experience: My experience of working with youth began when I was sent to work for a year for AICUF for my regency, a part of Jesuit formation. Later I volunteered to work as a ‘full-time advisor’ from April 1989 up to August 2003 – first at a regional and State level, and then in 1996 as the National Advisor. So totally my service in AICUF spanned 15 solid, youthful years. This was a significant part of my life and every time I recall those years, I begin to feel quite nostalgic.

This youth mission enabled me to discover more of myself – my innate strengths and talents. It helped me to build more abilities and learn new skills.

When I entered AICUF mission in 1980’s, the prevailing belief was that radical social change was imminent and our only duty was to prepare a group of youth who would precipitate this process and later to provide genuine leadership. This belief and expectation enabled us in AICUF to plunge into this youth mission without any personal agenda or vested interests.

What I gained: Working for AICUF helped me know some truly great men – known for their genuine compassion for the people, especially the poor, and belief in the power of youth. The three names that come to my mind immediately are Fr Pierre Ceyrac, Fr Paul Gueriviere and Fr Claude D’Souza. I learnt a great deal from them.

I learnt also that the laity’s role and contribution can be as significant and crucial as those of priests, because I could see concretely the contribution of laymen like Mr. S.J. Packiaraj and Mr. Bernard D’Sami to the movement.

This youth mission obviously gave me joy. Dealing with youth makes you young – feel youthful whatever your age. The energy and enthusiasm of the youth are contagious.

I benefitted from what I had to tell the youth. We taught them social analysis and so we had to be well-informed of all that happened in the world. We taught them leadership and so we had to be good leaders. 

All youth have their own strengths, talents and special abilities. First have the eyes to see all that is good and beautiful and noble in them. Acknowledge them in private and in public.

Therefore, in the light of my own experience, let me share with you some dos and don’ts for all those who opt for this challenging but rewarding ‘youth mission.’ You may be a chaplain or adviser, animator or full-time worker who has opted to work with some youth movement or organization. Even as a Headmaster or a Correspondent in a school or a Principal or the Secretary of a college you will have to constantly deal with youth. 

Do’s and don’ts: Based on my first hand experience in working with youth, let me list a few suggestions for all those who want to work with and for the youth.

Acknowledge their strengths and appreciate them: All youth have their own strengths, talents and special abilities. First have the eyes to see all that is good and beautiful and noble in them. Acknowledge them in private and in public. Whenever they do something worthwhile in studies, sports or extracurricular activities or for the movement, express your appreciation warmly and generously.

Accept them and care for them: We need to accept youth as they are. There may be things in their lives which worry us or puzzle us. But we need to accept them with all their baggage. Caring for youth is probably the most important requirement for a youth worker. If you care only about their grades and don’t bother about their health or economic problems, they won’t see you as someone who cares for them.  Let them know that they are very precious to you.

Listen to them: If you don’t listen to youth, you can’t understand them. Develop a passion to listen to their day to day experiences whether they are good or bad. Don’t judge them while listening to them. Youth will easily find out if you are an active, patient listener or not. Encourage them to feel free and be spontaneous.

Stay with them and permit them to stay with you:  Whenever possible spend time with them. Let them see how you live your life. When the disciples of John came to Jesus and asked him where he lived, Jesus simply said, “Come and see.” When the disciples going to Emmaus urged him to come and stay with them, Jesus accepted their invitation and went in to stay with them. Only when you are ready to spend time with them, you can understand their personality, their problems and their struggles. Stay with them in such a way that your presence gives them hope and makes them see that God is alive and present in their lives.

Working for and with our youth is vitally important simply because they are our future. We will ignore them at our peril.

Help them in all possible ways: Be ready to help them whenever they ask for any help. Sometimes they may be reluctant to ask for help. So don’t wait for them to come to you to ask for your help. Once you realize their needs, extend a helping hand. If they need monetary support, offer it discreetly. This will be your way of showing them that humans are always more important than money. By doing this you may be indirectly inspiring them to be generous. You may inspire them to help others when they are in a position to do so.

Avoid clericalism at all times: Pope Francis often talks about the need to give up all forms of clericalism and a clerical mindset. Clericalism emerges from the belief that you are superior to the others, simply because you are a priest. A clerical mindset may make a priest arrogant or aloof. There is no need whatever to hide the fact that you are a priest and an ordinary human at the same time. But act in such a way that they see that you are a priest for them, that you are there to serve them. They must see also that as a priest you belong to all, that you have no favourites, based on language or caste. 

Avoid all pretenses: Avoid a ‘dichotomized life-style’ – a lifestyle that contradicts what you profess. Never project a false image of yourself. Remember that your deeds speak louder than your words. Learn to accept your failures and short-comings, and remain transparent. The youth may carry within them a bundle of contradictions. So when they see you as an integrated person, they will admire you. It gives you a ‘moral authority’ and ‘credibility’ and you will command respect from them. You will be in a position to demand from them the same accountability and transparency.

Delegate responsibility: Never hesitate to delegate responsibility to youth. Knowing their strengths and abilities will help you give the right job to the right person. You can entrust an entire work to one or more of them and the way they carry them out may come as a happy surprise. If they want your presence while planning, offer it to them. But after delegating a responsibility, don’t keep interfering. They will resent it.

Encourage them: Youth may lack confidence in themselves or their abilities. You need to give them confidence and encourage them. Sometimes you may have to push someone to the front or the stage so that they see what they are capable of. If your presence would give them the confidence they lack, be present. If you disappear from the scene, they may get panicky. Sometimes you may have to encourage them from behind the screen.

Practice empathy: Youth don’t want our sympathy. But they, like every human, look for empathy – feeling with them, being in their shoes. So whenever they puzzle or confuse you, put yourself in their place and try to understand what they may go through.

Be humble: Humility works wonders. Never be proud or arrogant. Although they may be much younger than you, show them respect.  Never act like their boss. Try to be one of them, one among them.

Be ready to be challenged: We try to teach our youth to question anyone who wants to lead them. So be ready to be challenged.

Conclusion: Working for and with our youth is vitally important simply because they are our future. We will ignore them at our peril. This is why the Jesuits have done very well to include the youth mission as one of their UAPs (Universal Apostolic Preferences). So let us journey with them. Our God and our forefathers are sure to guide us.

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